The Circle of Existence: Chapter 4 – A Poser

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by DCH Park

poser“Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.”
– Stephen King

“One of Satan’s most deceptive and powerful ways of defeating us is to get us to believe a lie.”
– Charles Stanley

A man woke up one morning to find his spouse already awake next to him. That was unusual. Usually, he was up first. It was turning cold again so the days were shorter and the sun was coming up later but after the long, hot summer, he was used to the earlier waking period. It had become a habit to move about the house, going to the bathroom, getting dressed, and making breakfast, all in the dark. He relished the cool morning hours during the summer.

This morning though, a heavy silence greeted him. Lying in bed, he could picture the look of distracted pain on his partner’s face. The tension hung over them both like a palpable thing in the dark. He could feel it in the air.

“I had a bad dream.”

He mulled this over. Two possibilities were chasing each other in his awareness. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Silence.

“I just want to be held.”

He could remember times when he had simply held space. He’d been asked to make soothing, nonsensical sounds while being there and holding. He had said “Dere, dere,” and made comforting, noises. He did none of that now.

Instead, he reached out for a hand as they both laid there. He touched it in the dark. “The reason I hesitate is that I’m not sure how I will be taken.

“I’m happy,” he went on, “in fact, I’m eager to be there with you as you evolve and discover more of yourself. I’m ready to lend you my strength to do that, though you don’t need it. You may want it but you don’t need it.” Pause. “I’m grateful for that. For both things.

“You’ve been there for me and raised questions that have led to insights, healing, and growth for me. I’m happy to do that for you, too. But this feels like something that’s been with you for a long time. It feels like something that has come back again and again, not always with the same face.”

“Yeah,” came the reply. “It feels like it’s connected with something very old. Something that’s been in my life for a long time. It scares me.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” the man said. “In its role of protecting the wound, Ego uses anything it can. Fear indicates that you are going in the right direction. Any strong emotion means that you are going in the right direction. I remember an old lady character talking about the ‘protective ice’ that would form over ice cream. You had to break through the protective ice to get to the sweet prize inside. Emotions are like that protective ice…

“I’m happy to celebrate your discovery and healing and growth. I’m happy to be there for you and support you in getting through to the other side. But I don’t care to be a party to enabling you, if that’s what you’re asking for. I’ve become aware that we can enable our loved ones to ignore a festering wound by continuing to act normally even though…” He let it trail off into silence.

“It’s an old wheeze in some circles,” he picked up again, “but ‘As above, so below.’ If it is true in treating physical wounds and raising children then might it not be true generally? Might it not be better to suffer the pain of an operation now than greater pain and possible disablement or death later?

“Would I be enabling you or helping you by holding you? Would I be lending you my strength and being there as you discover more of yourself and heal or would I be enabling you with my strength to continue to ignore the pain of your dream?

“Remember – ‘Everyone in your dream is you.’ You dreamed it for a reason. You said it yourself. There’s something that you are carrying or some way you injured yourself a long time ago that’s coming back up now. What is it?”

Silence.

“If I have enabled you, haven’t I been part of the problem although my intention has been to be part of the solution? If I have enabled you, how has that worked? What have I helped to cover over? What is the problem?

“It can go either way.”

Silence.

“No, it can’t. I want to be held.”

###

More of the book, The Circle of Existence can be found at www.smashwords.com.

© 2015, David Park. All Rights Reserved.

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”The Circle of Existence: Chapter 4 – A Poser” by DCH Park is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

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